For so many reasons, this post is hard to write. You and I share recipes, laughs, ideas and are always a support for each other. If you are looking for recipes and fun today, this isn’t the right post for you. However, since many of you are true friends I think it’s important to write this post. I have kind of disappeared on you. Maybe in the back of your head, you are thinking………”Hmm……….I haven’t heard from that girl over at Juggling Real Food and Real Life for a while.” You would be correct. I’ve made some appearances on social media, but not too much lately. Today, I am letting you know the reason why I’ve been missing.
I’m sure many of you have experienced the death of a loved one. I know I’m not alone in that. I am not surprised that when my 92 year old grandmother passed away that I shed a lot of tears. That is quite normal and expected. She was a huge part of my life. She was relaxing afternoons and Sunday dinners. She was always one of my biggest fans. She supported all of my dreams and goals. She loved my children as much as I do. She was amazing with potatoes. Sounds strange, right? Not to anyone who knew her. She was famous for her scalloped potatoes and potato salad. Most importantly, as I became an adult woman, she became one of my best friends.
What I did not expect is the complete loss of my creativity. Creativity has always been a huge part of who I am. I have a strong desire to create. Projects, crafts, DIY, children, a comfortable place for my family to live, meals, blogs…………all of it. The desire to create is one of my most prominent personality traits. It’s all gone. I am able to function at my 9-5 job because there is no creating going on there. I answer calls. I do my job. I help people. Creating something out of nothing just is not happening right now.
I stare at blank pages as I try to write a post. Writing is comforting. Writing has always been easy and rather fun for me. The words just aren’t flowing right now. I look at images. I can’t decide on anything. I look over list after list of blog post ideas that I have and nothing seems right. I shut down the computer and go to bed. I’m in a creative fog and it has zapped all of my energy.
Nothing lasts forever. I know this fog will clear eventually. In fact, this letter to you is probably proof that the fog is beginning to clear for me. My heart and soul hurt right now and I suppose I just need to heal a bit more to fix my creativity problem. I’ve worked hard over the years to create a community of busy moms who love and support each other. I’ve created a judgement-free zone where we lift each other up in our attempts to provide good nutritious food for our family while juggling our busy family schedules. I don’t want to lose that community. It’s important work that we are doing here. I feel my grandmother’s hands gently nudging me back to my computer. She is right. I need you as much as you need me. The pictures I use in this post won’t be perfect and the words aren’t saying exactly what I want them to say, but hitting that publish button will feel good. I am overwhelmed with memories right now, but I need to step out into the future. It will take me a little more time to find my creativity, but it must still be there. It’s just buried right now under the weight of all of these beautiful memories.
As a woman of faith, I know that my grandmother is better off now without the pain and suffering her earthly body was experiencing. She was never one to complain and didn’t like to make a “scene”. Only she knows how bad things really were for her. My grandmother has been a part of my life for 47 years and I miss her. I suppose it is normal to take some time to mourn. Everything has a season.
I would love to hear your thoughts on a few questions that I have. How do you heal a broken heart? Did you ever have a time that you lost your creative side? How did you get your creativity back?
This post is dedicated to Isabelle Moyer. The woman who taught me what intelligence, beauty, strength, and love can achieve in 92 years. Her family is a legacy to that love.