We had a little bit of an incident at our cheer pregame/end of season party. We have a wonderful group of girls, parents, and coaches so I was really surprised when feelings got hurt……….over all things………..food. Let me start at the beginning……Our coaches decided it would be fun to grab a pizza, some juice pouches, and a cake and throw a little party for the girls at the football field before one of our last cheers. They sent out an email at the beginning of the week detailing their plan for the party. They kept it simple because we were doing this at a football field. As it turned out, we didn’t even have a table to use so we used a bench for the food and kind of stood around as a group. A very simple party indeed.
If you know me at all, you can probably guess that I wasn’t too jazzed about the food that was being served to my daughter. The crust wasn’t whole wheat, the cheese wasn’t organic, the juice pouch was nothing but sugar, and the cake was covered in artificial colors. So by now you may be thinking I raised a big stink about it. Nope! It wasn’t me. I encouraged my daughter to have a good time with her friends and eat the food that was provided. I thought it was a nice gesture from our coaches and since we had just run to the field my daughter was cheering at from her brother’s game at a different field. I knew that she was hungry. I do have to applaud the mother who showed up with veggies and dip to share with the party. Way to go cheer mom!
I’ve learned during this Real Food Journey that it is not what you eat some of the time that matters…….It’s what you eat most of the time that is important. I’m not trying to encourage you to eat junk food on a regular basis. However, sometimes it is nice to have pizza with your friends and just have a good time.
The exception to this rule is food allergies and sensitivities. My daughter does not have any recognizable sensitivities to food so this is not something I have to worry about with her. There are lots of families who have to deal with allergies on a regular basis. Many of these allergies can even be life-threatening. One of our cheer girls eats a gluten-free diet. If you don’t know gluten is a specific protein found in wheat, barley, and rye. A gluten-free diet is essential for those with celiac disease. Individuals with celiac disease need to avoid gluten as it will cause damage to the intestines. There are also individuals who have various levels of symptoms after eating gluten even without actually having celiac disease.
Now this is where the incident occurs. Gluten-free mom mentions that her daughter can not eat gluten. Coaches who do not understand what it is like to raise a child gluten-free bring the pizza and do not think to bring gluten-free pizza. Gluten-free mom walks up to coaches and states that she knew her child would not be provided for and so has brought food for her daughter to eat instead. I think to myself, “Hooray gluten-free mom for thinking to bring your own food and really watching out for your daughter.” Now we can have our fun little party. Not so…………gluten-free mom is very upset and complains to the coaches that she knew they wouldn’t do anything for her daughter. She then takes her daughter away from the group and they eat alone.
There have been lots of cold shoulders, hurt feelings, and even a formal complaint to the football league about the coaches. The girls have been fine (as far as I can tell) during this time. They are all very good friends who enjoy spending time together. To put this in context…….my daughter is 8 and she is one of the older girls on the squad.
What do you think…………did it have to come to this? What would you have done if you were the coaches? What would you have done if you were gluten-free mom? What would you do if you were me?
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I think it was completely irresponsible of the coaches. Maybe not quite as bad, but akin to serving peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to a child with a nut allergy. Although, her reaction wasn't fair to her child – she should have taken it offline with the coaches and not ruined her child's time at the party. Sigh. Sad all around.
I think sport people should care more about healthy food. I would be very disappointed about it. ATM I'm trying to change and starting to eat vegan food, and I really can't understand why people are so selfish and especially not thinking about others, especially children and their health. Not a good example from coaches side. 🙁
Christina like you, our diet is by choice and not by necessity. I've become more lax and let the my kids partake in snacks at games in things. My children will actually decline foods if it has corn syrup, food coloring, etc. However, I've stated my preferences to coaches early on. Many don't understand our choice and therefor forget about it. I don't think people understand food allergies like they could. Life threatening allergies like nuts and seafood are easy to understand, you just don't eat them. But when it comes to gluten, people aren't clear on what it is and how you can work with it.
When it comes to this GF mom, I can understand her frustration. However, I don't agree with her reaction. She is ostracizing her daughter for a medical condition. She should be made to feel part of the group and not be punished for the lack of action by an adult. I don't agree with her filling a formal complaint with the league. If she knew, there was going to be a problem, why wouldn't she address it prior to the party and ask for alternatives? She may have, I don't know. I have friends that are GF by necessity. I have to be reminded when we have dinner or lunch out. Every one makes mistakes.
~Nicky
Hi Christina – I'm with you on this one. I definitely would have let my child enjoy the pizza party and have fun with her friends. You know that she eats well most of the time; a treat now and then is not going to hurt.
My feelings about the GF incident are a little different than some of the others who have commented. I don't feel as negative about the coaches. Yes, it would have been ideal if they had remembered this child's food allergy and accommodated it, but in my mind that is not their responsibility. To me, the mom, on first hearing about the party, should have asked whoever was purchasing the food to get a GF option for her child – and offered to pay for it. If that didn't happen or was not an option, I think she should have brought GF food for her child and just let the child enjoy it with her friends. Going off by themselves to eat – sheesh, that's a bad idea. It's easy for us as parents to forget that kid's sports coaches are volunteers – they are doing this on top of their jobs and other responsibilities. I think we sometimes expect too much of them. Just my 2 cents.
I'm on the same page as you! I kept thinking of comments and then you covered my points 🙂
I have no issue with the coaches. The coaches told the parents what was going to happen long before the party. I think it was a bit rude of her to expect them to make an accomodation without explaining how to do so. My guess is that the coaches picked up the pizza from a pizza joint out of their own money (and kindness of their heart). Most pizza places don't sell gluten-free pizza. The mom could have been specific as to how the coaches could provide for her daughter. My guess is that she didn't. She assumed they would know. When they didn't and didn't provide an alternative, she got pissy. Rude.
I know it isn't the same, but I've always been a very picky eater plus had food allergies (long before they were common or "popular"). If I needed an accomodation, my mom brought the alternative for me or sent me with it. I was the only one affected therefore we would not "penalize" or ask others to change plans for me. I learned how to avoid what needed avoiding and how to be polite about it.
If you have a diet restriction or your child does, then you should be the one to provide for that. Period. I like how the one mom brought veggies. Smart. This GF mom could have done so much more and been nicer about it. If anything, she should have let her daughter enjoy the party and then had a private conversation with the coaches at a later time. Handling it the way she did was passive aggressive and more harmful to her daughter, emotionally and socially.
Being a former teacher, we would have parties at school. I had one student who could not eat pizza or other things due to cheese or chocolate, etc. I didn't order anything extra…money is always tight. The mom would always bring something special for her child. She never complained and said that she understood that he would probably only be able to eat certain things at the party and didn't mind bringing for him. So, I guess it's hard to comment on that issue. I guess I've always had understanding parents when it came to similar situations.
I am just thinking…what must have felt like for this young child first listening to her mom get into a fight with the coaches and then eating isolated from the group….how said. I wonder if that mom could see that?
I think you are exactly right. It is wonderful to follow a healthy lifestyle and diet. But extremes are not good. What is more, showing intolerance to others in front of your own child over food…
Great post, thank you for sharing this and raising questions through the post!
Maria
http://www.musicteachingandparenting.com
I don't think most people understand what gluten is or how it can be harmful to some people. Therefore, she should not have made a big deal out of the situation. The coaches simply did not understand. Plus I think as a parent it's your responsibility to make sure that your child always has what they need. If she can only eat GF foods, that is the mom's job to make sure she has them.
If I had been the gluten-free mom, I think I would have prepared my child a meal that would not make her sick – possibly throwing in some extra food for others who just might want something different. It is important to show children unity as opposed to division. Even if the child had different food, why pull her aside from the other girls? It is okay for children to know that everyone is not the same. But, in a setting such as this, it is even more important to allow the children to mingle – even with the differences. This was suppose to be a party, right?
Perhaps with the gluten-free issue, that mom could have just brought her own food and left it at that. It sounds like her frustruation could be from similar previous situations and I can sympathize with her frustration. I don't know that I would have reacted the same way though, I'm with you, try to the good in things and try not to be so negative even if I don't agree with everything that is being said and done around me.
I also feel like you in the sense that once in a while having a pizza with friends is ok. You are so right. It's about what you are eating most of the time that really matters.
I don't think it's completely wrong for the coaches to not provide the gluten free pizza. I have friends with children that are gluten free and they prepare things for their kids for situations like this. When it's a whole team it's hard to make everyone happy. If she was that concerned, she should have said something to the coaches privately about it later. She could have explained what gluten free means and asked them to please keep that in mind next time. Separating your kid from her friends is setting a bad example I think. That is showing her that everytime something doesn't go your way make a big deal and then ignore everyone.
Expecting an entire group of people to cater to your wants/needs/desires is selfish, no matter what the issue is. It may be harder for a GF mom to participate in things like that, but that's a mom's job. You take what life hands you and deal with it. What she did was nothing less than a grown-up temper tantrum. I would have done exactly what you did-allow my child to participate as it was not an everyday occurrence and just limited the intake. If you are in the position that you are unable to be flexible, then be sure you're always prepared!
Catching up on posts! My niece is GF due to sevrere psoriasis. She feels terrible after eating gluten, and being GF has made her & her psoriasis much better. That being said, when we have family events, we discuss what's being served & what she can eat. My sister has said, if we can't quite accomodate her needs, she'll bring something. I'm not offended and want to make sure she eats. I agree with most of the comments that it is hard to accomodate. If the mom got a feeling her daughter's diet wasn't going to be accomodated(as shown in her bringing food for her daughter), then she should provide the meal – as she did. I do not agree with the mom's reaction. She was onviously prepared and she should have let her daughter enjoy in the fun, without feeling ostracized. It's not about her, it's about her daughter having a good time.