For so many reasons, this post is hard to write. You and I share recipes, laughs, ideas and are always a support for each other. If you are looking for recipes and fun today, this isn’t the right post for you. However, since many of you are true friends I think it’s important to write this post. I have kind of disappeared on you. Maybe in the back of your head, you are thinking………”Hmm……….I haven’t heard from that girl over at Juggling Real Food and Real Life for a while.” You would be correct. I’ve made some appearances on social media, but not too much lately. Today, I am letting you know the reason why I’ve been missing.
I’m sure many of you have experienced the death of a loved one. I know I’m not alone in that. I am not surprised that when my 92 year old grandmother passed away that I shed a lot of tears. That is quite normal and expected. She was a huge part of my life. She was relaxing afternoons and Sunday dinners. She was always one of my biggest fans. She supported all of my dreams and goals. She loved my children as much as I do. She was amazing with potatoes. Sounds strange, right? Not to anyone who knew her. She was famous for her scalloped potatoes and potato salad. Most importantly, as I became an adult woman, she became one of my best friends.
What I did not expect is the complete loss of my creativity. Creativity has always been a huge part of who I am. I have a strong desire to create. Projects, crafts, DIY, children, a comfortable place for my family to live, meals, blogs…………all of it. The desire to create is one of my most prominent personality traits. It’s all gone. I am able to function at my 9-5 job because there is no creating going on there. I answer calls. I do my job. I help people. Creating something out of nothing just is not happening right now.
I stare at blank pages as I try to write a post. Writing is comforting. Writing has always been easy and rather fun for me. The words just aren’t flowing right now. I look at images. I can’t decide on anything. I look over list after list of blog post ideas that I have and nothing seems right. I shut down the computer and go to bed. I’m in a creative fog and it has zapped all of my energy.
Nothing lasts forever. I know this fog will clear eventually. In fact, this letter to you is probably proof that the fog is beginning to clear for me. My heart and soul hurt right now and I suppose I just need to heal a bit more to fix my creativity problem. I’ve worked hard over the years to create a community of busy moms who love and support each other. I’ve created a judgement-free zone where we lift each other up in our attempts to provide good nutritious food for our family while juggling our busy family schedules. I don’t want to lose that community. It’s important work that we are doing here. I feel my grandmother’s hands gently nudging me back to my computer. She is right. I need you as much as you need me. The pictures I use in this post won’t be perfect and the words aren’t saying exactly what I want them to say, but hitting that publish button will feel good. I am overwhelmed with memories right now, but I need to step out into the future. It will take me a little more time to find my creativity, but it must still be there. It’s just buried right now under the weight of all of these beautiful memories.
As a woman of faith, I know that my grandmother is better off now without the pain and suffering her earthly body was experiencing. She was never one to complain and didn’t like to make a “scene”. Only she knows how bad things really were for her. My grandmother has been a part of my life for 47 years and I miss her. I suppose it is normal to take some time to mourn. Everything has a season.
I would love to hear your thoughts on a few questions that I have. How do you heal a broken heart? Did you ever have a time that you lost your creative side? How did you get your creativity back?
This post is dedicated to Isabelle Moyer. The woman who taught me what intelligence, beauty, strength, and love can achieve in 92 years. Her family is a legacy to that love.
Christina Kamp says
Oh, i’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your grandmother. I have been through this and it’s so hard. I too lost any drive i had to create and it lasted a while. There’s not telling the time frame that will happen for you, but there are several things that can help. 1. Don’t fret about it. You can’t make it go away by worrying over it, so give yourself a break and let it happen. You could do blog posts by asking in groups for links to a certain subject and just making round up posts until you get your mojo back. 20 ways to comfort a friend or 20 ways to take care of yourself while grieving. Something like that could work every now and then until you’re feeling better. 2. Take care of yourself. When you see the blank screen and nothing comes, spend that time pampering your heart or body. Meditate on scriptures, read something inspiring, get a massage, take a bubble bath, whatever helps you relax and rejuvenate, spend your energy on that. 3. know that it’s temporary and it’s okay. You could promote some old posts that are popular or something like that. We love to read your work and people miss some posts here and there, so resharing is fun. Your creativity will come back. 4. ask for help when you need it. in life and on the blog, maybe you could ask for a few guest posts from friends that write similar things.
Hugs for you. I’m praying for you. Healing a broken heart take time and accepting your feelings until they are ready to go to a new stage. This loss has rocked your core. I’m so so sorry for your loss. I suggest having some potatoes to celebrate the wonderful woman she was to you and indulge yourself in things that remind you of her. Your creativity will come back on it’s own when you’re ready. I promise.
More hugs and prayers.
Thank you so much Christina. I am literally crying as I read your kind words. I am going to take your advice and ask if you would like to guest post here at Juggling. We are certainly into the gardening season and I would love to share some of your great advice on getting kids into the garden. Thank you for reminding me that mourning takes time. We live in such a quick-fix society that it often feels that I should be able to “just get over it” and go on with life. It’s just not that easy I’m afraid.
Gaye @CalmHealthySexy says
So sorry, Christina. This kind of loss is very painful, and everything you are feeling is normal. Give yourself a lot of grace and plenty of time. Your creativity will come back when it’s ready.
One thing I have done recently is republish some older posts that were originally published back when nobody was reading my blog! I have updated them a bit (or more, if they needed it). That might be something you could do that would put good content in front of your current readers, but wouldn’t require a lot of creativity or effort.
Gaye @CalmHealthySexy recently posted…10 Ways to Get Ready for the Empty Nest – Because It’s Never Too Early to Start!
Thank you Gaye! You are such a good friend. You always have the best advice. I’ll take a look at some of my great content that never really had too many eyes on it. Helping people is important to me and I don’t want to let my readers down.
Jan Buso says
Hang in there. It does get easier over time. She will always be with you in your heart and her gift to you are those memories. Your creativity will flow again when it’s ready to flow and you allow it to. Give yourself some time. Talk to her in your quiet moments and tell her how you are feeling. Cry and move on because you know she would want you to and not be in a funk. Live your life in her honor because you know you will see her again. Best potato salad ever!! Hugs!!❤️❤️
Thank you Jan. I know it will get easier. I’m really struggling with this fog over me. I wish I could just snap my fingers and make it go away. The kids keep me hopping and their hugs are a little bit of heaven here on earth. Maybe I should work on replicating that potato salad recipe. I often think “what recipe will my family remember me for?” I make fudge and imagine that I’m cooking with my grandfather. I make homemade mac-n-cheese and think of my aunt. It’s so fascinating to me how many of our memories are linked to food.